I started driving fast as I left the night life behind me, I
had no idea what I had expected from this situation, I had no idea if this was in fact a situation
that I even wanted to be in.
I hoped to find someplace unoccupied as I drove aimlessly,
the light snows coating the windscreen with the absence of windscreen
wipers...I had merely become too lazy to engage them.
My mind drifted back into technicoloured memories of the
night we had shared and with every flash of what had once been my stomach turned
with the envious rapture of delight...with the excitement of some warped sense
of achievement.
For I had pined for you for too long, so long in fact that I
was accustom to you neglect and rejection, like a well oiled machine I ran on
what was familiar, me...giving you everything, you...absent like a alcoholic
father, enjoying my attention when it suited you and when it didn’t, it suited
you to act as if I were a fictions character, a piece of furniture, easily
disposable.
I loved you as much as I hated you, forcing myself to focus
on the few aspects of your personality that I disliked and abounding on them in
order to not miss you so much during the times of neglect.
I worked hard for an ounce of attention and when that was
stripped away, hate was my only comfort and in a sad desperation I would razz
every attempt to think positively about you and change directions as to avoid
your dwelling, for i knew your phone was off the hook only too me.
But tonight, I was granted you oh so valuable time, and
inside the moseleum that you reside in we broke boundaries.
Dimly lit, but oh so secure.
I was so high I thought your kiss would surely kill me, that
your touch, as if taken from the depth of a shakespheran romance would resolve
all my internal conflicts and surely make me whole again.
And as I drove to someplace unoccupied, some place I had
never touched before, I knew only one thing...
For all the attention you had fed me now, would result in an
eternity of starvation...
